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Trauma Bonds


Patrick Carnes book, The Betrayal Bond, explains Trauma Bonds.

Chapter explaining Trauma Bonds here:

"The 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding

1. Love Bombing: They shower you with excess love, flattery and appreciation in order to gain your affection.

2. Trust and Dependency: Try do everything to win your trust and make you depend on them heavily for love and validation.

3. Criticism: They gradually start criticizing you. They blame you for things and become more demanding.

4. Gaslighting: When things go wrong they tell you that is your fault. They make you doubt your own perceptions and manipulate you into believing their narrative.

5. Resigning to Control: You no longer know what to believe but your only way of experiencing the good feelings of Stage I is by giving in and doing things their way.

6. Loss of Self: When you fight back, things get worse. You settle for anything to have some peace and make the fights stop. You lose all your confidence.

7. Addiction: You get addicted to the highs and lows. Your body is on a constant cortisol high (stress) and craves dopamine (pleasure). This creates a cycle of dependency that feels a lot like a drug addiction."


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